Pasty tea and toast, will you?

Mr Grigg had a bad night last night. He was tossing and turning as if he were on a spit. This morning, at breakfast, he told me he'd been having a nightmare.

'This is going to sound really weird...' he said, as I slurped my tea. 'But I dreamed I had a Cornish pasty stuck up my bottom.'

There was an interlude while he mopped up the PG Tips I spat all over him.

'Do you want me to tell you more?' he said. 'Or do you want to finish your Weetabix?'

I needed to know what happened next.

Once the Weetabix was safely down my gullet, he said: 'Well, I went to the doctor's, and I was in this kind of medical centre common room and there were lots of other doctors there. My doctor saw me and asked me what was wrong. I was really embarrassed and I whispered to him about the pasty. "Oh," the doctor said, in a loud voice, "I've had one of those up my own bottom for the past 18 months".

At this point, I was trying to get the jam out of the jar for my toast but Mr Grigg almost ended up wearing it.

He went on: 'So I didn't hang around - if he couldn't get his own out, what chance did I have? So I tried to get it out and it took ages. It really hurt. And do you know why it hurt so much?'

No, I didn't have a clue but I could imagine a pasty up the jacksy could be a tad painful, even in a dream.

Completely straight-faced, he said:'Well, it was a Ginsters pasty, and they're square.'

I frowned. 'Was this really a dream or were you just telling me a joke?'

'No, no,' he said very earnestly. 'I dreamt it, honestly.'

I'm not a Ginsters expert but I don't think their pasties are square. I'm sure they're very nice but, in all honesty, after Mr Grigg's dream I don't think I will be trying one to find out. In this household, it could be tempting fate. But it's one way of keeping your pasty warm I suppose.

Breakfast over, I kissed Mr Grigg on the forehead, patted his bottom and went out in the garden to collapse in a heap.

That's about it
Love Maddie x

PS I've just been given a Lemonade Award for stopping by and reading Maternal Tales' blog. So I'd like to pass it on to Pondside for her always interesting comments. How else would I have ever learned that in Canada the name for a strimmer is a weed wacker?


  1. I'd love to leave a comment, but there will be a brief interlude while I wipe up the mouthful of coffee I just spat all over the computer monitor! I was doing okay until the comment about keeping your pasty warm. Priceless.

  2. I think this ranks as the funniest post I have ever read. I assume all the tossing and turning last night was Mr G. trying to remove the pasty? Perhaps you should nip out and buy one today and leave it in the bed for when he wakes up tomorrow morning.

  3. Too funny, so pleased I'm not eating or drinking anything!
    I agree with DPnM when he says this is the funniest post ever written/read. I have been, and still am, snorting loudly!

    PS also love his 'serving suggestion'!!!!

  4. Sorry, this dream is beyond my powers of dream-interpretation. Over here a pasty is - well....something an exotic dancer (aren't I delicate?) would wear to cover the naughty in "She had tassels on her pasties and twirled them in time to the music". I imagine that the pasty in your Mr's dream were a tad less titillating.
    Thanks for the award - I'm off to make lemonade.

  5. How have I missed your blog before?
    This is hilarious. I take it you won't be eating Ginster's pasties in future. Unless he upsets you?

  6. Definitely not square. I dare you to forward to Ginsters' marketing dept as they may want to use it as a testimonial

  7. I'm wondering if it might really have been a chicken and mushroom slice...

  8. You didn't say if it had the wrapper still on or not?

  9. I knew there was a good reason why I became a vegetarian...

  10. Well, that's cheered me up!!
    I think they heard me laughing on the other side of the valley!!
    Been to a Ginsters factory though...and believe me, that's where a Ginsters pasty should be, up your bum, horrid things!!

  11. I think you have to go a long way to beat a Ginster's pasty - nicely seasoned, no 'extras' like peas to make them un-authentic - but square they are not - I think almost certainly a chicken and mushroom slice, or possibly a sausage roll! Lucy

  12. Came over from Authorblog to say congrats on POTD and then I read your hilarious tale of the pastry. So funny!

  13. Hi I hopped here from David's and my! am I glad. I still laughing head of...ha ha ha... and taking...hooo ho ho ho... breaks in between...he he.. gasp gasp..he.. to compose my comment :)


  14. I will never ever think of a Pasty the same way again...not may be a few months before I even attempt the making of them!
    Congrats on Post of the Day...I'll bet David did a bit of tea spitting himself!

  15. What fun! A pasty up the jacksy

    That's what I love about the English language... you learn new expressions every day.

    Congratulations on your POTD honor at authorblog. David certainly has a sense of humor, doesn't he?

  16. my sides hurt...i dont even want to try to interpret. congrats on the POTD! (still laughing)

  17. waaaahahahahaha! Thank you so much for brightening up my day - it was too bad to start with but this is just one of the most entertaining things I have ever had the privilege of reading... heeehheehehheheheh! ;o)

  18. See, this is why I'm such an anglophile. Reading this post,I feel like I'm watching a British sitcom. Such marvelous humor; such wonderful expressions. I have to come back for more!


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