Seasons in the sun: the village flower show

And the long, hot summer days are gone, the air is still and the sky is grey.

Gardens are looking ragged, fields are tired and crying out to move on to autumn.

Up at the village hall, that last hoorah of the season - the annual flower show - opens its doors to the public. There are gasps at the size of the onions, smiles at the vegetable monsters and hurt - real hurt - at winning only a consolation prize in the category for scones.

It's been a difficult year for growing, as anyone who has been in England since late winter will tell you. We had two heavy blasts of snow in March, followed by rain and then a heatwave. How can anyone grow runner beans - let alone the longest - in conditions like that?

But, despite a drop in exhibits, the show still attracts entries, although it's clear that home winemaking is a thing of the past, with only one bottle vying for honours this year. Maybe we need a new class for cider or elderflower cordial or maybe even flavoured oils, such are the drinking and eating habits of modern village life.

There's a suggestion that an adult category for the most unusual shaped vegetable could be a winner with competitors and the public until it's pointed out that we could be flooded with tomatoes and carrots with appendages to make the Cerne Giant feel inferior.

What about a limerick competition? After all, the children get to submit entries for handwritten poems. But the dirty minds of Lush Places would clutter up the trestle tables with cheap innuendoes and other such filth. It doesn't bear thinking about.

That's about it.

Love Maddie x