Baggy trousers

Despite the best of intentions, the only prizes we came away with last night were raffle prizes. We entered three teams for the wine and wisdom quiz, came first on a round that had neither points nor prizes and those on the neighbouring table were joint third. We got told off for having our tables too close together, the wine ran out and they changed the format from last year - obviously worried our pillaging team would run away with the prizes again. There is always next year. However, our B team (pictured above) broke the table they were sitting at and Mr Loggins cut his finger, spilling blood and red wine all over the floor, so maybe not. This is the man who is a dab hand with a chainsaw. Luckily, the ever-ready Mrs Sheepwash had a pack of plasters in her cavernous handbag.

Mr St John has been seen in the village wearing smart, long trousers. Dark cords, apparently. This is a revelation because, whatever the weather, he always wears shorts. We understand his Lady Friend prefers long trousers, which is a bonus really because there is no danger of him being de-bagged in the village square as he was once when putting up Larry the Landlord's flag during the World Cup. It was like something hanging up in a butcher's shop window. Screams could be heard the entire length of the village as various women fled for cover.

My neighbour appears to have traded in the odd-job talents of our friend Nobby for a younger, fitter model. Mrs Posh-Totty's husband, MDF Man, is currently in situ, so a number of ladies are all finding time to call in for cups of tea every now and then so they can swoon at his six-pack and biceps. The swooning has to be done surreptiously as we would not want to annoy his rather attractive and assertive wife.

We had a restless night this weekend as an all-night motor rally passed by our windows. Local opinion is such that next year we plan on putting out stingers.

Highlights this week include the Boat Show, the film Australia at the local, restored cinema, a massage and a one-man play looking at the humorous side of Thomas Hardy. The latter should be a very short show. Oh, and there is also a 40th birthday that might be worth gatecrashing. Celebrity Farmer, please take note. After all, he did turn up uninvited to our New Year's Eve bash.

That's about it
Love Maddie x